CCP140: On Intergenerational Estrangement: Going “No Contact”
In this week’s conversation between Dr. James Emery White and co-host Alexis Drye, they discuss a recent TikTok trend that involves the promotion of intergenerational estrangement. The buzz language tied to this trend is “going no contact” - when young adult children (specifically Millennials and Gen Z) attempt to solve family issues by essentially ending the relationship and cutting ties with their parents. What many don’t think about is how this is in direct violation of one of God’s Ten Commandments.
Episode Links
Dr. White is in the midst of a series on the Ten Commandments at Mecklenburg Community Church (Meck) called “Ten,” and the installment on the fifth commandment is particularly relevant to today’s conversation - the command to honor your parents. There are sadly so many who struggle following through with this commandment, feeling that their parents are deserving of anything but honor. But so often it’s because people misunderstand the deeper significance of what it means to follow through with this command. You can find all the installments of this series at Church & Culture HERE.
There are two other series that Dr. White delivered at Meck that are also very helpful if this is something that you are struggling with. The first is called “Father Figure” and explores the importance of fathers in our lives and in our world, how to fill father-shaped holes in your life, how to find healing from a dysfunctional father, and the real nature and dynamic of God as Father. The second is called “The Sins of the Fathers: Breaking Generational Patterns of Dysfunction,” with installments designed to help you process this pivotal dynamic that is so decisive to a healthy, whole life.
What sparked this episode is an article written by Theara Coleman in The Week titled “'No contact': Family estrangement is on the rise for young people choosing peace.” She writes how people who would advocate for family estrangement are attempting to normalize this behavior in today’s culture, hoping that "eliminating the stigma would allow ‘more people to get out of unhealthy family relationships without shame.’" In reality, this is merely an excuse to avoid the hard work of fighting to protect familial bonds. Clinical psychologist Joshua Coleman conducted a study on this in his book Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict. He believes that a lot of the issues stem from changed notions about what constitutes traumatic experiences. And David Brooks wrote an article in The New York Times titled “What’s Ripping American Families Apart?” that is worth the time to read. His research shows how this trend of estrangement is much more pervasive in the United States than other countries around the world.
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